Alamo Bowl - FJ

It's gonna be a long day...sigh.

Spread is just too damn high, I'm puttin 40 on the Iowa Cover.

20 on the under.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl

I'm with the Virus

70 on the over.

I'm not feelin' too good about this weekend. Someone get me a drink and a couple quarter pounders.

Car Care Bowl Picks - The Jeez

Kentucky puttin the screws to Baby Bowden's boys? The old ball coach's retarted 4th down call actually working? Minnesota joining Northwestern in the most embarassing blowing of a game in history? Oregon State's 2 point conversion in the waning seconds of the 4th to win by a point? This people, THIS is why this is truly the best sport in the history of mankind. Yeah that's right, soccer can eat my ass. I only have about an hour to make the first pick today so I'll keep the soapboxing to a minimum here. You know, if it wasn't for having to see Flutie's mongoloid paleolithic mug everytime I try to enjoy a football game then I wouldn't hold half the animosity for Boston College that I currently possess. I wish someone would beat that bastard to death with his own cereal box. Here's a trivia question for ya, anyone know the name of the receiver that came down with Flutie's miracle pass? Well I'm sure Virus does but that's not the point, it takes about as much talent to toss a ball way up in the air as it does to eat three hot dogs in a row, why don't they interview the kid that came down with the pass? I'm sure he's not as painful to listen to. With that being said, Navy doesn't stand a chance in this one. Like Virus I would like nothing more than to watch the Midshipmen thrash the Golden Eagles into submission for 4 straight quarters but the only thing the sailor squad has on its side is a run offense who's put up great numbers against a who's who of the WORST teams in the entire NCAA. And they're going to throw that locomotive against...dun dun dunnnnn the 13th best run defense in the entire country. Being one dimensional doesn't really work when your opponent has specialized in that dimension all season long. The Golden Eagles run away with this one.

60 on the BC cover

And since I'm on top and it just doesn't feel right, I'm gonna go ahead and blow it...
30 on the under

I'll do as usual and make my picks as the games get closer, I need a little time to do research (drink heavily and masterbate) and I'll be ready to go.

LET'S DO THIS!

DECEMBER 30-31 GAMES, LINES, VIRUS PICKS

Sweet motherfucking Christ. Boys and girls, this is why gambling is bad for your health. I'm fucking bulletproof for over a week, can't fucking miss, only have a net loss on one game, and then comes Thursday. Even the games I was THINKING about betting on I would have gotten wrong. It takes about the same amount of talent to get them all wrong as to get them all right, so conventional wisdom goes, but there's a world of difference in the pain involved. Those games gave me the lube-free treatment without the courtesy of a reacharound or even a little spit. I laid off yesterday because I was travelling, but the games I was thinking about laying went the wrong way. I was ready to bet the house on Clemson, but the boys in blue pulled it out. I thought Purdue would take out Maryland, but they got embarrassed. Missouri put up a lot more of a fight than I thought they could muster against a red-hot Oregon State team, and I gave up on Texas Tech and went to bed. When you're hot, you see those things clearly and you know what games to give up on. I texted the Jeezy with about 6 minutes left in the FSU game because I KNEW it was over and in the bag. If this were real money, I'd take my winnings and go home. My luck is spent and it's only going down from here. The sound a game winning field goal makes against a team that's a 2.5 point underdog is the same sound money makes when it's being set on fire. Fuck you Oklahoma State.

So here's the games, lines, and picks from me for the next two days. You're probably better off betting on every team I didn't pick.

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL
Saturday, December 30, 1 PM
Navy vs Boston College (-7.5)
Over/Under 48
Money Lines:
Boston College -300
Navy +250

I'm never big on Boston College, and no matter what side I put the money on, it goes the other way. I really want to take Navy in this one, and that money line is very appetizing, but I can't do it. Navy's offense is really good, but it's a gimmick offense, and I don't trust those against talented defenses. BC has an interim coach for this game, but that really hasn't seemed to matter much so far in the bowl season. BC also has won 6 straight bowl games, which, of course, means nothing in the high-turnover world of college football. All of those are gimmick stats people throw out which are ultimately meaningless for picks. The more important stuff:

Navy is #1 in rushing offense, but only 119th in passing.
BC is 26th in passing offense, but only 86th rushing.
Both teams are in the top 50 in ypg and points scored with Navy getting the edge in each category. Navy lost to Tulsa, Rutgers and Notre Dame and the only D1 team they beat with a winning record was Air Force. BC lost to NC State, ACC champ Wake Forest and Miami, but beat a host of talented teams in MAC champ Central Michigan, BYU, Clemson, Virginia Tech, Florida State, and Maryland, all teams who are in bowl games. BC is able to stop the triple option enough and will throw all over the Navy defense today. The simulations have this game right at the over/under number (29-19 BC win), and BC has cracked this number about half the times they play. Not enough for me to throw money down.

50 on BC to cover

ALAMO BOWL
Saturday, December 30, 4:30 PM
Iowa vs Texas (-9.5)
Over/under 54
Money Lines:
Iowa +300
Texas -400

I had to look twice at this matchup. This is probably the most lopsided matchup of the whole bowl season. Texas was a Colt McCoy injury away from competing for a national title, while Iowa was perhaps the most disappointing team in the country this year. Needing a huge goal-line stand against Syracuse has been the highpoint of their season, which should say all that needs to be said about their year. But let's be fair about Texas: they got wiped out against Ohio State, struggled past Oklahoma, Texas Tech, and Nebraska, gave up 45 points to Kansas State in a loss, and looked positively awful against Texas A&M. They've lost their last 2 in completely poor fashion and went from a national title contender to not even playing on New Year's Day. Their opponent, however, is a lowly 6-6, and averages a full 13 points less per game. Iowa has lost to the likes of Indiana, Northwestern, and Minnesota, didn't put up a fight against Ohio State or Michigan, and played a vastly overrated Wisconsin team close. Point being, while Texas has struggled, Iowa has been downright awful and is way out of their league here.

100 on Texas to cover
4o on the OVER

PEACH BOWL
I refuse to call this bowl by any other name. Fuck you Chick-fil-A.
Saturday, December 30, 8 pm
Georgia vs Virginia Tech (-3)
Over/Under 38
No money line.

This game has the best defensive matchup of any bowl game this season. Both teams have top-10 defenses, and both have terrible offenses (Virginia Tech is 95th in ypg and 49th in ppg while UGA is 87th and 57th respectively). Virginia tech has only allowed 29 points in their last 6 games COMBINED (all victories), with two shutouts and two wins over Clemson and Wake Forest in that span. They played two awful games back-to-back against Georgia Tech and BC early in the year. Georgia's travails have been well-documented here. I make it a point never to bet on Georgia games, but that over/under is too tempting. Remember what happened in the last "defensive struggle" between FSU and UCLA? Me too.

50 on the OVER

MPC COMPUTERS BOWL
Sunday, December 31, 7:30 PM
Nevada vs Miami (-4)
Over/under 42

It's Larry Coker's last hurrah at Miami, and who really gives a fuck. The big question here is just whether Miami can pull a Florida State and get enough of their swagger back to run away with this game, or if they play like the bunch of pouty fucking losers they are. It would definitely be in Miami's best interest to just give Randy Shannon the reins here and try to light a fire under this club because nobody wants to play for Larry Coker anymore. Miami has more talent by a landslide in this contest, but they've lost 4 out of their last 5, though 3 were to ranked teams. Nevada has everything to play for here, and I think they can muster enough offense to at least cover this, if not win outright.

50 on Nevada to cover
The jury's out on the over/under. I may make a bet on this tomorrow.

Bowl Wrap Ups - Football Jeezy

Unbelievable. The only pick I pulled out of my ass and I felt horrible about it up until the 2nd quarter of the game itself. Cal grabbed Texas A&M by the short stack and made them their personal fuck-bags for three straight hours. Just as I figured there was NO way I was gonna cover the over, and I was actually ROOTING for A&M to drive it down the field and score, Cal gets the turnover and turns it into the nail in the coffin over 53 score of scores. Now yes I'm gloating just a bit but you have to understand that I haven't made a right pick in weeks folks, especially one that strayed from the Virus'. Anyway, here are the grand totals after last night's action. Also, I need you to post the site you get all your over/under, money line information shit Virus because I wanted to post the two SEC match-ups going on today but I couldn't find anything but the spreads so I decided against it. Anyway, here we go



JEEZY

Fla St. / UCLA

Florida St. Cover - WIN 60

Under - LOSE 40

Alabama/Ok. St.

NO BET

Cal/Texas A&M

Cal Cover - WIN 60

Over - WIN 30

TOTAL - +110
NEW TOTAL - 1,399

VIRUS

Florida St. / UCLA

Florida St. Cover - WIN 60

Alabama/Ok. St.

Alabama Cover - LOSE 50

Under - LOSE 30

Cal/Texas A&M

A&M Cover - LOSE 80

A&M Money Line - LOSE 70

TOTAL - -170
NEW TOTAL - 1,342

Now I'm not gonna talk trash because chances are I did the math wrong here, it's not exactly my strong suit, but it does appear to be the FIRST time EVER! That I'm ahead of the Virus in points...ok so it's only like 50 points but give me a break it's been 3 months of dissapointment, let me enjoy this wonderous calm before the storm....Ahhhhhh....What this REALLY means though is that we're neck and neck in this one and it's anyone's game. So stay tuned, cuz this thing is about to get stickier than Mark Foley's keyboard. And before you ask, NO I WILL NOT STOP MAKING MARK FOLEY JOKES. See you soon.

Extra Bowl Info - The Virus

also, here's some money lines for games today:

Kansas St. +250
Rutgers -300

Texas A&M +140
California -160

No money line yet on Alabama/Ok St...

I'm going to lay 70 on the A&M money line...I'm leaning hard on taking KSt for the upset, but can't make myself pull the trigger...game's at 8pm, so I'll either put a pick on the blog or text you a pick if I'm away from a computer

Some Random Bowl Picks - Football Jeezy

Damn you bourbon. Damn your hide. I completely missed the Alabama/Ok St. game picks because i'm a slacker but hopefully I can toss my cal/Texas A&M pick in here before I miss that one too. I'd like to ask as a favor if at all possible that all bowl games from here on out will be marked with date and time because I'm not too good at this whole planning ahead thing. Anyway, I'm hurtin here on one of the biggest downturns of my life which couldn't have come at a worse time because Virus is on an ungodly hot streak. Now I know Cal is a little one dimensional but that one dimension is pretty damn good when it gets rollin'. Especially against an A&M secondary that struggles against pass offenses. Honestly this is a pretty even match-up so it's anyone's guess.

Now if you asked me honestly, I'd tell you that I thought Cal would win this one but not by that many points, but as it stands now, I'm falling way behind and really just don't care anymore. With that being said, I'm just gonna live dangerously and throw 60 to the Cal cover.

And because I'm a little gunshy here, I'm going to drop a measily 30 on the over.

Just as a sidenote, was Joe Kines throatfucked with a roman candle or something? Lord, someone get that bastard a Ricola.

Howdy do Ladies. Since the time is steadily approaching for what will most likely be the most laughable offensive game of football in recent history, I figure I might as well make my picks. First off, both of these teams are TERRIBLE and everyone including their own fans has had no qualms pointing it out to them at ever possible moment. Neither of these teams could find the endzone if it were made completely of Adidas and Nike endorsement contracts. If I were Weatherford right now, I'd just bench it for a couple snaps and let one of the cheerleaders take a whack at it. She probably has a better arm. With that being said, both of these teams come in with what looks to be pretty dominant defenses. Besides a sale on silk shirts and cruicifix air-fresheners, the Seminole defense has been about the only thing bringing any sort of joy to the Bowden faithful this season. But UCLA is no pushover either, they might have started off sloppy but in the end the D shaped up and managed to hold the offenses of Arizona St., Oregon St., and USC to 28 points...COMBINED. Not too shabby. In the end though, Daddy Bowden is master when it comes to the bowl games, and now that he doesn't have his glue-sniffin' son calling plays, I think they pull out all the stops and get off to an early lead in this one forcing the Bruins to attempt and ultimately fail at an offense. So like the Virus, I'm throwin' my pick to the Seminoles in this match-up.

60 on the Seminoles to cover

And since both of these teams are defense heavy and couldn't cover the spread if you combined their scores on their best day, I'm going to go on the under here.

40 on the Under



Keep your head up slugger. The games only get better from here. Shit...

MOTOR CITY BOWL WRAP-UP

I'm telling you people, I'm getting a little freaked out here. I am a career loser in gambling circles. I've gone through $500 in three weekends. Before starting this blog, I've profited from exactly 3 bets that I've laid.

I'm on FUCKING FIRE right now.

Central Michigan played their quick strike offense to perfection and held the Middle Tennessee defense in check all day long. An INT for a TD by the CMU defense and a field goal cemented the cover, but it was the goal-line interception with 30 seconds left that preserved the under on the game. Winners all around here, but the Jeezy didn't follow with my freewheelin money on this game.

PAYOUTS

JEEZY
I'm assuming the Centralites of whateverthefuck are Central Michigan - WIN (+70)
UNDER 51.5 - WIN (+50)
TOTAL +120
New total of 1,289

VIRUS
Central Michigan to cover - WIN (+100)
UNDER 51.5 - WIN (+60)
+160 on the game
New Total of 1,512

This is normally where I'd cash out and run the hell away from the bookie, but that's not very sporting here. The crash is coming, folks. Stay to watch the fireworks.

Motor City Bowl Picks - Football Jaheezy

Well the Virus caught on to my attempts to take an unfair advantage in this one. Not that it would have been that much of an advantage. Cut me some slack, I'm dyin here. Anyway, I'm not ready to slap credits down for the FSU/UCLA match-up just yet, but I am willing to drop a dime or two on the bowl we got brewin' right now. The Money Line is way too rich for my blood and the Under has been good to me thus far so I think I'm going to have to mimic the win-master-general here and throw my pick to the Central Michigan...Chippewas is it? God who cares. here we go.

I'm droppin' a cool 70 on the Michiganites of Centralonia to cover their spread

and I'm droppin a big fat 50 on the Under.

Now I'm well aware that I don't stand a chance betting below the almight Virus here but at the moment, I'm unable to muster the motivation to even research any of these bare-bleacher bowls so trust me, the big chips will be droppin' soon. I'll have my Emerald Bowl (Did you know that Baghdad is called the Emerald City? I get drunk and watch Fox News...fuck off...it's way better than extreme sports.) tommorrow. Love and Kisses!

DECEMBER 26 & 27 GAMES, LINES AND VIRUS PICKS

Motor City Bowl:
Middle Tennessee vs Central Michigan (-9.5)

Over/Under 51.5

Money Line
Middle Tennessee +270
Central Michigan -340

The battle of the state-centers here in this underwhelming matchup. Central Michigan is on a tear right now, winning 7 of 8, all by double digits. This spread is still in single digits, and Middlee Tennessee has lost their last two. Add to that fact that this game is in Michigan (Detroit), and you've got a recipe for a rout.

100 on Central Michigan to cover
60 on the UNDER

EMERALD BOWL
Florida State vs UCLA (-4.5)
Over/Under 40.5

Florida State is lucky to even be in a bowl game this year and UCLA probably saved themselves a bid by knocking off USC late in the season. UCLA can't play defense, but it doesn't matter because Florida State can't score. Florida State has a pretty good defense, but UCLA is even worse on offense than FSU, if you can believe that. As much as I hate the Seminoles, 4.5 just seems like too much to give UCLA. This should be a low scoring game, but I can't convince myself to bite on either side of that Over/Under.

60 on FSU to cover

IDEPENDENCE BOWL
Oklahome State (-2.5) vs Alabama
Over/Under 51

Another pair of lopsided teams here whose strengths play into the other team's strengths. Alabama is lousy on offense, but OkSt is possibly even worse on defense. Oklahoma State has a powerful offense, boasting the 8th rushing attack in the country and 16th best offense overall, but Alabama is an SEC team, and if there's one thing they do in the SEC, it's play crushing defense. I say, when in doubt, go with the defensive team.

50 on Alabama to cover
30 on the UNDER

Holiday Bowl
California (-5) vs Texas A&M
Over/Under 53

Texas A&M has had a very quiet 9 win season, while Cal's 9 win season can best be classified as a disappointment. Cal has speed all over the field, but has proven in several games this year that a team full of tracks stars doesn't necessarily guarantee a victory. The best way to put it is that Cal is soft, and when they face a hard-hitting defense, they wither. Tennessee put the screws to them, as did USC and, surprisingly, Arizona . Texas A&M is surprisingly in the top 30 offensively in total yards and points scored and has the 7th ranked rush offense in the nation. Texas A&M looks extremely underrated in this game, and were very convincing in their win against Texas.

80 on Texas A&M to cover
I'll probably lay some on the money line when it surfaces

TEXAS BOWL
Rutgers (-7.5) vs Kansas State
Over/Under 45

To the 4 of you who get to watch this game, congratulations. It's absurd that a 10-2 team is relegated to a December 28 game against a lousy Big-12 opponent on a network that nobody in the country has in their cable package. The bad news for Kansas State is that there's approximatley a 0% chance that Greg Schiano lets the situation get to his team. Schiano staying at Rutgers over the Miami job should inspire the players to some degree, and Rutgers comes ready to play almost every week. It looks like a long day for KSt.

I'll abstain from a pick here until closer to game time. That's a big spread.

Hawaii Bowl Wrap - up...

How do you go from 13 points total at half to coming 5 points away from covering a 70 point over? I was sweatin' there at the end. Luckily everything worked out well for the Jeezy here.

New Totals

Jeez - 1,169
Virus - 1,282
Ralphvirus Edit: Apparently the Jeezy didn't notice that I put 70 on the Hawaii cover. I mentioned it twice (see the post I emailed and the post wrapping up the Dec. 23 games). My new total is 1,352.

It's gettin sillier by the second. Merry Christmas. Die.

Hawaii Bowl Picks - Football Jesus

Merry Christmas fellow worthless bastards out there. I don't know about you but nothing says noel and feliz navidad to me like watching a shirtless man wave around a spear in full hawaii'an warrior get up. Man I'm giddy just thinking about it. Now I'd like to tell you guys the wrap up after last nights matches but honestly, I suck at math and I aint pickin it up for my new year's resolution either so you'll just have to wait till the wiz-kid Virus gets back to see concretely what we already know, I suck at betting, and Rob apparently has a crystal ball...or crystal meth...something. Anyway. I got nothing to lose here and oh so much to gain. So on the eve of baby Jesus' birthday, it's only fitting that I do a little good ol-fashioned desperation gambling.

I want 60 on the Hawaii cover

and I wants me 80 on the under

God Help us....every one.

DECEMBER 23 RESULTS

Well, blogger is finally working for me, and since FJ is mathematically retarded, here are the results from yesterday's games.

Papajohns.com Bowl
Didn't watch this since I was several thousand feet above the earth, but can't say I was too surprised by South Florida's convincing win. I thought the score would be a little higher than it was, but I wasn't anticipating a shutout 2nd half. Oh well.

Jeezy bets:
30 on South Florida to cover - WIN (+30)
30 on the OVER - LOSE (-30)
0 on the game, new total of 1,042

Virus:
50 on South Florida to cover - WIN (+50)
40 on the OVER - LOSE (-40)
+10 on the game for new total of 1,230

New Mexico Bowl
Also didn't watch this, but also am not surprised at the outcome. I thought New Mexico might be a bit more inspired than they were playing on their home turf, but I was a little surprised that San Jose State weren't getting more respect than they were. The money line was too enticing here for both of us, and we both profited.

Jeezy
60 on SJSt. Money Line - WIN (+87)
+87 on the game for new total of 1,129

Virus
50 on San Jose State Money Line - WIN (+72.5, round down to 72)
+72 on the game for new total of 1,302

New Mexico Bowl
And the Jeezy's luck finally caught up to him here. I should have been scared off by Tulsa's record in their last 4 games, but my hatred of Utah blinded me. It's probably no coincidence that I'm +300 in games where I don't care about either team and -20 when I have a prejudice. That spells bad news in the games to come.

Jeezy
50 on Tulsa to cover - LOSE (-50)
50 on the OVER - LOSE (-50)
-100 on the game for new total of 1,029

Virus
50 on Tulsa to cover - LOSE (-50)
30 on the UNDER - WIN (+30)
-20 on the game for new total of 1,282

HOT OFF THE PRESS

Money line for Hawaii vs Arizona State
Hawaii -280
Arizona State +240

I don't like either of those and I'm still spooked by that Over/Under, so I'm going to sit on my 70 for Hawaii to cover bet. It does make me nervous to see a WAC team that heavily favored against a Pac-10 team, but I don't know how Arizona State is going to stop Colt Brennan.