WHISKEY AND GATORADE EXCLUSIVE (AND THE RECAP)!!

We have obtained this essay Florida freshman sensation Tim Tebow turned in for his English 101 writing assignment. It's written in crayon and was considered the most sophisticated piece turned in by any student in the class. We will it share it with you here.



RECAP:

Georgia Tech vs. Wake Forest. Wow. A championship game with no touchdowns scored. I'd give bonus points to whoever made it through this without falling asleep, but that would be like offering to give money to people who beat off to Kathy Bates in About Schmidt. My money's pretty safe.

Virus - 2
Jeezy - 0

Arkansas vs Florida. Fuck Florida.

Virus - 0
Jeezy - 0

Nebraska vs Oklahoma. I didn't watch a single down of this game so I can't break it down. Am I sorry about that? Fuck no.

Virus - 2
Jeezy - 2

Rutgers vs West Virginia. This was a total gut call. A few weeks ago I thought West Virgina was going to massacre Rutgers. West Virginia has loads more raw talent and speed than Rutgers has, but Schiano has those kids playing for real. I also didn't know Pat White wouldn't be playing, and that may have contributed to this final. But again, the Big East had the game of the week. Everybody, just stop talking. The Big East is one of the 3 best conferences in the country. Accept it and go away.

Virus - 2
Jeezy - 1

Army/Navy. With less than 2 minutes to go, Navy gets a safety to extend the margin to 19 points on an 18.5 cover. I am blissful. 2 seconds to go, Army throws a meaningless touchdown pass. Glass breaks. Army was competitive in this one until the 4th quarter, and then they were just competitive enough to break our hearts. This is what you get if you try to gamble on a game that features two squads who weren't good enough to go to a real college.

Virus - 1
Jeezy - 1

USC vs UCLA. The shocker of the weekend and the game that hurt me more than anyone else in the country. Fuck you USC for allowing that dumbshit Urban Meyer to fall assbackwards into success yet again. Urban Meyer must have a four leaf clover in his underwear, because there's no way he's smart enough or good enough to be this fucking successful. This is the same jackass that regularly wears his headset with the band that's supposed to go over your head across his forehead and the earphones above his ears. The same lunatic who was screaming to blow up the system for the last 3 weeks when Florida wasn't #2 who is now mysteriously silent that his team tripped and stumbled their way into the title game. Florida was dead in the water before that borderline insane muffed punt from Arkansas that flipped the whole game around. Fuck you Florida for winning when you don't deserve to, for not appreciating Chris Leak, the Derek Jeter of college football (I hate him but I can't help but admire his ability), for running an offense that's so maladaptive to your talent as to be borderline hilarious to watch, and for making a folk hero out of a giant doofus named Tim Tebow who can't do anything but run and who becomes some great legend because OF A FUCKING JUMP PASS. And a triple fuck you to USC for not taking care of business and sparing me the misery of having to root like crazy for Ohio State to bury Florida somewhere in the Arizona desert.

Virus - 0 (and really fucking bitter about it)
Jeezy - 0

Oregon State and Hawaii. Nobody watched this so don't pretend that you did. Nobody has watched either of these teams all year except for the highlights of OrSU and USC so don't act like you really knew what was going to happen here. This was a guess. Big deal.

Virus - 0
Jeezy - 0

TOTALS:

Virus - 7 (44 total)
Jeezy - 4 (36 total)

Skins:
Virus - 7
Jeezy - 3

Regular season crown to RALPH F-WORD VIRUS.






















New format for the bowls? Maybe so...