WEEK EAT A DICK: PICKS FOOTBALL JESUS

Bet you thought I wouldn't make the picks in time right? Well....shut up. These are going to be short and sweet this week because A: It's late B: I have a shit ton of stuff to do tommorrow and C: I'm sorta drunk at the moment and it's harder to type than I first imagined. So here we go.

Georgia Tech @ Wake Forest: ACC Championship. Poor Reggie. Tsk Tsk Tsk. Four years and no wins against the hated Bull-pups? Cry me a 4th string at best QB position in the NFL Reg. The Deacons looked pretty solid against ol' Maryland but that crushing defeat to the Hokies has me a bit on edge here. Ball might look like a third rate chump playing anyone outside his own conference and Chan Gailey or whoever is making the calls nowadays might be the sworn enemy of Captain Obvious, failing to utilize Choice or Johnson whenever they're effective, but at the end of the day I think Tech has a more rounded defense and more weapons on offense. Also, it'd be pretty boring if I picked everyone Virus picked and not very smart on my part since I'm already hurting for points at the moment. Georgia Tech for the win and cover.

Arkansas @ Florida: SEC Championship. While I agree with Virus that the Hawgs absolutely decimated the run defense of LSU, I also remember that LSU has an horrendous offense when playing anyone decent and managed to put up big numbers on the hogs. Buttttt I just can't go with the Gators here. In fact it still kinda blows my mind that they're pulling the spread here with the fantastic games Arkansas has pulled out and the abysmal scoring ability of Florida against any defense with a pulse. Can't go with the Gators. The Hogs upset and take the SEC. Finally the SEC title goes to someone other than the Dogs who I don't hate with an utter passion. SUUUUUUUUUUUEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Oklahoma @ Nebraska: Big 12 Championship. Has anyone ever been to Oklahoma or Nebraska? Cuzzzzzz I've been to Nebraska and I can't imagine Oklahoma is much better. My point here, just let them both win...they need something worth living for out there. Dance on my dick with golf shoes. Oklahoma, win...cover...ballabadoo.

Rutgers @ West Virginia: Big East Arts and Crafts Fair. The Big East for all the defending we've done in its favor this season has turned out to be the most unstable, and fuck-up prone division in the country this year. It's in West Virginia...Gotta go with my original championship game pick...yeah i said it...West Virginia in this one. Rutgers has proven one thing well with their crushing defeat to Cincinatti, if a team breaks ahead early, they crumble. I'm a Georgia fan, jumping out early is the one thing West Virginia does a damn good job at. West Virginia covers.

Army @ Navy: I can't believe Army still has enough people to even make a football team anymore. Isn't there a war or something? I think I heard something about it on the news. The Knights are ATROCIOUS. Navy stomps the dog balls out of these guys and covers.

USC @ UCLA: You know USC stomped my chances at pulling ahead last week. USC is rolling and I'm not going to let them destroy my spread three weeks running. USC wins and covers. I'm imagining I'll at least squeeze A point out of those devil-fuckers with that pick.

Oregon St. @ Hawaii: No analysis here. Hawaii has one of the most laughable team names that's ever graced the sporting community. Plus they have that super intense mascot-esque guy who'se always good for a few laughs. I'm givin it to the Pride Parade for the win and cover.

No extra commentary here folks, these last few weeks have been absolute death and if there's one thing i've learned, it's never...EVER spare the life of your opponent. Even if donating a point doesn't seem like a bad idea...it's the difference between 5 points and 3. I'm done. Stick a fork in the Jeezy cuz the miracle juice is running dry. Yes that is a sex joke by the way. See you in bowl season...I'm outtie.