WEEK 13 GAMES, LINES, AND PICKS - FOOTBALL JESUS - THE BLOATED ONE

Hey friends (and by that I mean the 4 people that read this and the one guy who stumbled on this looking for drunken porn), sorry we're late for this weeks picks but if you thought we were going to leave you hangin on' rivalry week then the tryptophan must be getting to your brain. We got some big match-ups this week and not a lot of time to bring it to you so I'm going to go ahead and make a double post, which means you get to see the games and lines as I call em'. No time for dick jokes, LET'S GET TO IT!

LSU @ Arkansas (Pick em' game)...Since the SEC West has already been wrapped up by the hogs the only thing left in this one is pride for the bayou bengals and the slimmest of hopes for a title shot for Arkansas. Now we all know pride can be a big factor, look at Miami's big win over favored BC last night...but you know what ended up being the reward for that game? A big fat pink slip for Coker. Hold your applause Canes fan. My point is this, in the immortal words of Marcellus Wallace..."Fuck Pride!" I'm going with the hogs here to take this game, but not by much.

Florida @ Florida State (Florida -9)...This is one of the worst seasons I've ever seen from the Seminole nation and you better believe i'm loving every second of it. Florida State couldn't find the endzone this season if it was painted with pure Bolivian cocaine. Florida wins this one easy....BUT!!!! Besides their rout of that little league team last week, they haven't looked too good on the offensive side of the ball either. I don't think they cover 9 points (although everytime I say that they end up doing just that in the last 3 minutes of the game). Florida to Win, Bowden's Boys to cover. Steak Dinner and an Eight Ball to the Florida State kid who knocks Tebow unconscious.

South Carolina @ Clemson (Clemson -6)...Whatever happened to that Newton kid under center? That guy looked like a phenom when they almost pulled that upset on Auburn. Blake Mitchell makes no sense to me and the fact that they're in Death Valley kinda seals the deal as far as I'm concerned. This one always ends up being a slugfest (literally) but after the SC's heartbreaking loss in The Swamp, I just can't see Spurrier pickin' up the pieces for another big match-up. South Carolina gets stomped in this one. Clemson to win and cover.

Notre Dame @ USC (USC - 7.5)...Man oh man, this is a hard pick. Everyone knows how BIG a fan (hahaha get it? He's fat? Right? Fat?...fuck you) I am of Charlie Weiss but I tell you if there's one guy I hate even more than that fat fucker, it's Pete Caroll. I know they're at the colliseum and USC has been rolling but if there's one thing i've learned this season it's never put your money on the team that's being on a hot streak yeah I'm looking at you Clemson...and Wake Forest...and Texas...anyway, anyway, I gotsta have me an upset pick for the week and this is it. The Irish pull a heartbreaker on the Trojans and break the title race wide open.

Last but not least...Wake Forest @ Maryland (Maryland -1)...Now why would we pick this game when both teams threw a sucker punch to us in last week's disaster? Well after Miami's upset of the completely mind boggling Golden Eagles, the ACC is now wide open and this game is HUGE for both teams if they want a chance at the conference championship. It's hard to go by the schedule of these two, they've both played and beaten impressive teams and both were just completely EMBARASSED last week...In the end though, I don't have too much love for the Terps, so I'm going to throw my pick once again to the underdogs in black for the win. Go get em' Deacons.

No time for pride picks this week folks, I gotta go grab some leftovers before the rest of the vultures eat all the stuffing. Here's hoping this week isn't nearly as horrible as last. Don't give up on us just yet, because the next time we see you it'll be....dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn....BOWL SEASON. It's gonna get real messy around here so until then, punch your creepy uncle in the mouth, grab a plate of leftovers and slap your girlfriend's ass and tell her to keep those drinks comin'. It's football time bitches.