WEEK 7 PICKS RALPHVIRUS

Well, shit son you don't give people much notice, do you? 5:30 in the afternoon? I've got a life at home. I do this shit at work man, unless something really funny occurs to me, then I post it here. Who can count how many times that's happened? I thought so. Fuck, what a depressing spread. It's too late for either of us to pick the BC vs VT game, but since you fucked that one up so bad, I guess it doesn't matter and it's zeros all around. Again. Goddamn I'm glad I don't have any money on this shit. I'm ahead in the standings and I still feel like a retarded monkey flinging his shit at two different mascots. Well, the novacaine has kicked in, so let's start drilling:

1)Florida at Auburn. Man, I have no idea where to go with this one. On the one hand, it's on the Plains. On the other, Florida has won 8 of the last 9 against Auburn. On the first hand again, Auburn just got embarassed by Arkansas and will have revenge on their mind, and Florida may have a little letdown in them after thumping LSU (and that LSU defense may have done some damage to that offense that we aren't aware of yet...Tuberville said LSU beat his team up so bad they weren't 100% 3 weeks after the game). But this is like choosing between your uncle that raped you and your other uncle who drowned your puppy when you were 6. You don't just want them both to die, you want some huge guy with a black leather mask on named Butch to shove a Louisville Slugger studded with nails up each of their rectums. I WANT to say Florida is in a zone right now, but I just can't pick them. Auburn wins and takes the 2 point spread as well.

2) Michigan at Penn State. AGH. Mario Manningham pretty much was the Michigan offense (and yes, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST) and without him, they have some talent, but nobody whose stood out or lived up to anywhere near their potential (you listening Steve Breaston?). Mike Hart is the prototypical Michigan running back who rarely breaks one over 20 yards, but kills you will endless 5 yard runs. I'm not sure what Jeezy means by Morelli having these 100 yard games since he's the QB...is it an accomplishment at Penn State to throw for 100 yards in a game, or is JoePa running an option with Morelli now? I guess I'd try to get him to throw it as little as possible too. PSU makes too many mistakes and is too sloppy on both sides of the ball. Michigan is playing like the fucking Terminator right now and dismantling their opponents in the most boring to watch way possible. Michigan takes this one in Happy Valley and takes the points too.

3) VT at BC. BC 22 - VT 3. What do I win? (A note here: What the fuck happened to Virginia Tech? They used to be one of the scariest teams to play in all of football, and now they can't put up more than 3 on BC? And how did BC beat Clemson? Clemson threw up 63 last night (I know, against Temple). Does everybody realize that BC might win the ACC and go to a BCS game? How is this ok? Wasn't adding Miami and VT and BC supposed to strengthen the ACC instead of turning it into a bunch of cupcakes? Now it's just like the old Big East, but with GT and FSU involved. This conference just confuses the fuck out of me).

4) Arizona State at USC. Perhaps the battle of the two most overhyped programs in the Pac-10 before the year started. Somebody on ESPN (Mark May perhaps? I don't know, most of the stupid shit that comes from that network comes out of his mouth) said Az St. would be a TOP 5 TEAM BY THE END OF THE YEAR. I wish I was joking. Really. I do. But someone who was paid to talk about and study college football actually said that. On the air. And it looks like USC finally got the memo that defense was optional, but frowned on in the Pac-10 and dropped that from practice sessions. I think Cal may lay 80 on them later this year. Oh hell. A pick. USC obviously wins this one in Pasadena aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnndddd......fuck, they cover too since Arizona State can't score on anybody and has been blasted 3 weeks in a row.

5)Kentucky at LSU. Boy are we reaching here. Kentucky is going to surprise somebody this year, and I'm just praying it's not Georgia. I'm going to give my reasoning before my pick so people don't start throwing tomatoes yet. Les Miles is not a good coach. He's not a good motivator. Les Miles is exactly the kind of coach who can't pick his team up after a crushing loss, and he's going to underestimate Kentucky. UK can score, and they can score in bunches. Their strategy is basically throw it deep and let one of those lanky receivers catch it and run. They played Florida within 19, and it was closer than that for most of the game. You ready kids? Kentucky pulls this one out in Baton Rouge. I'm staring at the words and can't believe I said them, and can already hear my phone ringing tonight, but look out for the Wildcats. They are a lot better than people think.

A few under the radar games: Look out in that Rutgers vs Navy game. Navy has a really solid team, and Rutgers hasn't been tested yet this year. In Annapolis, Navy knocks Rutgers out of the top 25. 6-0 Mizzou gets a test against 5-1 Tx A&M. Wait, no they don't. Tx A&M hasn't played shit. Mizzou cruises. The biggest game in the Big 12 this year may be Mizzou and Texas. Yikes. 4-1 UCLA and 4-1 Oregon. UCLA's starting QB is out, the Ducks roll here in Autzen Stadium and take their frustrations from last weeks beat down out on the Bruins.

And a quick thought. How is Oklahoma still ranked? Pollsters, they LOST that game with Oregon. LOST. LOST. It is in in the LOSS column. They're 3-2 and still ranked? I'd understand if they were competetive against Texas, but they were never that close in that game, and got busted up by a freshman QB. Oklahoma is not very good. Please, say it with me, OKLAHOMA IS NOT THAT GOOD, AND SHOULD NOT BE IN THE TOP 25 WITH 2 LOSSES.

How many people in the media do you think Bob Stoops had to blow to stay ranked this week? Over or under the number of points West Virginia dropped on Mississippi State? But let's be nice to our less fortunate SEC brethren. They get Jacksonville State this week, and might pull it off with a 4th Quarter field goal. I'm not gonna say it, but you all know I'm thinking it.