WEEK 7 PICKS - FOOTBALL JESUS

Here we go again with yet another week of lackluster showdowns and yawn-inspiring competition. My picks are already on the line of lateness so I’m just going to go ahead and sideline the frills and just go straight for the picks. LETS GET TO IT.

#2 Florida @ #11 Auburn. Yet again the bookie-gods have spoiled what I was sure would be my upset pick of the week by throwing the line to the Auburn Tigers. Yes the same Auburn Tigers who just got embarassed at home by the Arkansas Razorbacks. Yes against the same Florida team who just cock-punched the Bayou Bengals to the tune of around 2 touchdowns. Sigh. I have to agree with the line on this one sadly. Auburn is humiliated and furious right now and if there’s one team I’d rather not ever have to face, it’s a pissed of Tuberville squad at home. Not even that 8 foot tall retarted farm boy Tebow is going to be able to save the Gators in this one. The Gator Nation crashes and burns quicker than Cory Lidl....too soon? Whatever. Noone reads this anyway. Auburn wins and covers.

#4 Michigan @ Penn State. Sweet Jesus I want to pick Penn State for this one. With Michigan’s deep threat silenced by knee surgery I don’t have much faith in their offense to put up big numbers like they have been the last couple of weeks. Especially considering that Manningham is already responsible for 9 touchdowns and damn near 600 yards this season?! (a point which the virus brought to my attention) The only thing that stops me from making this call is Michigan’s rock solid defense and Penn State’s lack of offense. Granted Jopa’s boy Morelli has racked up 4 straight 100 yard plus games thus far but that ends against Big Blue’s line. Michigan picks up the slack left by Manningham with their defense and force the Lions into costly turnovers. Michigan takes this game and covers their spread.

#17 Virginia Tech @ #25 Boston College. Virginia Tech has once again been exposed as the overrated threat of the ACC and Boston College for reasons no sane person should even try to wrap their head around has managed to squeak their way to 4-1 and is pushing for an ACC championship. Virginia Tech was given a slight squeaker of a line in this one which is suprising considering how atrocious BC’s defense has looked as of late. VT shouldn’t have a hard time tossing the ball around against the Golden Eagle’s 109th ranked pass defense. Shit who cares, Virginia Tech wins and covers.

Arizona State @ #3 USC. That’s right folks we’ve hit the point in our program when all games cease to be even slightly interesting. If you have a significant other, these games would be the time to ask how her day was and look interested, you probably won’t miss much. Who knows you might even get a handjob before half-time. Arizona State, the cum dumpsters of the Pac-10, have yet to do me right yet so as much as I hate to pick USC and spoil yet another possible upset pick....I gots to. USC has been played close as of late so in the end I think USC beats up on Arizona State but doesn’t cover their monstrous spread.

Kentucky @ LSU. Are you bored to fucking tears yet? You should be. This is literally the best I could do. Of course LSU wins this game, but by 26 points? I don’t think so. Kentucky covers the spread.

Yeah I know I’m playing it safe and I didn’t really pick up any upsets this week but it’s kinda hard not to with a line up like this. If the points weren’t on the line I think I’d probably go with Penn State and Boston College just out of desperation that something interesting would happen this weekend, but that aint the case. Plus everytime I go upset crazy I get raped in the points by these vultures. I wish I’d have had time to write more jokes but I gots shit to do. Do your worst boys.