WEEK 5 RECAP

Man, stupid Virginia Tech cost me a perfect week this week. I thought they were on their way after intercepting 2 straight Reggie Ball passes, but Ball settled down, and an endless dose of Calvin Johnson was just too much for the Hokies. Their defense did not play well at all, and their famed special teams didn't come to play either. I thought for sure those VT corners could keep up with Johnson, but he's just on another planet right now. I don't know if anybody can cover him one-on-one, and I have no idea why the safety isn't always cheating him over the top to at least stop the huge plays and limit him to 20 yard gains every now and then. But, nobody's given me a team to coordinate yet, so that's that.

Jim Tressel and Co. came out fast and looked like they finally had their heads on straight. They gave up a few early TDs to Iowa, but I had a feeling that after watching a few Iowa possessions, that D was going to clamp down, and man did they. Troy Smith is filling out his Heisman candidate form right about now after dropping 4 TD passes on former hopeful Drew Tate, and OSU got a rushing game going, with Pittman going over 100 yards. When OSU plays like this, they're the best team in the nation, bar none. It's when they try to sleepwalk through games that they get tested, but they're more or less in the clear now until that showdown with the Wolverines at the end of the year. There might be a big upset brewing somewhere with OSU before then if they don't maintain this intensity.

Notre Dame started out running the ball I don't know how many straight times. It was like Weis promised Walker that today was going to be his day. Once he opened up the playbook and let Brady Quinn loose on that horrendous Purdue secondary, the game was over. Notre Dame once again proved themselves equally incapable of stopping anybody on the other side of the ball nearly blowing the push at the end. I'm sick of Notre Dame pushing. JUST GET 1 MORE POINT.

Florida, boy oh boy did they look bad early. Chris Leak has not looked comfortable in a Florida uniform in 4 years, and if he survives the next 4 weeks (1 bye), it'll be a damned miracle. 2 head coaches, 3 offensive coordinators, and an up start freshman tailback/QB breathing down his neck in his senior season. How much do you think Leak will give the alumni association after some team overpays for him in the draft? He pulled it out late, and Florida does what they seem to do best, win games they should win, even if it's ugly. Some heinous field goal calls in this one, but a miracle INT for a TD late in the 4th gives me 3 miracle final 5 minute covers on the season only 2 weeks in. Rest easy boys, luck has a way of turning around.

I didn't watch the Oregon game, but I didn't have to. Arizona State was way oversold before the season started, and the outcome of this one was never in doubt. I want to say Oregon had 35 up before Arizona State mercifully hit a field goal, but I honestly don't know.

Georgia looks awful in every aspect of the game right now. The dual QB system is a horrible idea, and I said the same thing when it was Greene and Shockley. 2 series each is like letting each of them put their dick head in some cheerleader's pussy and then move on. How the fuck are they supposed to get off! I can't decide if I'm relieved or if I think it's a sign of the apocalypse that I'll be glad to see Tereschinski come back next week. Unless they make some serious mental changes, Tennessee will kill this Georgia team next week.

QUICK THOUGHTS: Where was this Cal team when they played Tennessee? Is the Pac-10 really this top-heavy and soft? They KILLED Oregon St. at Oregon St. I'm really looking forward to the Cal vs. Oregon matchup this week. MIAMI pulled out a squeaker at home against HOUSTON. A 1 point game folks. The mighty canes came within a field goal of losing to Houston at home, where there sure were an awful lot of empty seats for such a proud program. Fairweather fans? Well, put something on the field they can watch, and maybe they'll put the pipes down long enough to watch. I wouldn't take field level seats on the 50 yard line to a Miami home game right now if you offered me $50 and told me I could fuck Jessica Simpson until my balls exploded. Our friend Travis will be pleased to note that Miss. St. covered the -32 spread against LSU by a single point. I wish the points didn't count when the defense they scored on was a couple of band members and their moms in pads. And they still forced a few 3 and outs. MICHIGAN rolled over Minnesota by 2 TDs in the Metrodome. Manningham had 130 yards receiving, giving him 3 straight 100+ receiving games. Tell me who they lose to before Ohio State again Jeezy? USC survives in Pullman as Steve Smith pulls down 186 receiving yards. I remember John David Booty's older brother Josh at LSU, and I'm not scared of the Booty boys. Just say it like that and you know Oregon, Cal or UCLA is going to jump up and get them this year. Tennessee's evil cadre of magic receivers who somehow catch the flaming garbage that Erik Ainge throws decimated an outmatched Memphis team, Clemson continues to make people say "how the fuck did they lose to BC?" as they wax LA Tech 51 - 0, Nebraska hangs on against the fattest coach in America making it a two horse race with Rutgers for "team least deserving to be in the top 25," AND FINALLY: Boise State crushes Utah, sending them home to their wives for orgiastic sex in praise of Brigham Young. Why am I not a Mormon yet? Will Boise get a BCS bid? Good topic for another week. All I'm saying is that a religion that lets you keep a harem of women can't be all bad. Of course I've only been married to my one wife for a few months now. Maybe I'll see the folly of my ways in a few years.

And folks, seriously, if you have any idea what the hell the deal is with Michigan State, LET ME KNOW. It's my white whale...it consumes me.