WEEK 4 In Review - Lee Majors

Dramatic reenactment of last night
(after explaining the point system of the blog to a friend watching the 8:00 clock games with me. This conversation occurred with 2:00 left in the BC game and 6:00 left in the ND game)

Friend: "So how are you doing so far?"
Me: "Well unless something absolutely ridiculous happens, I'll be up a point in the standings."
Andddddddd SCENE!

Does anyone want to guess what happened? Anybody? Anybody? That's right, within a matter of 15 minutes I watched what would have been a 6 point advantage shrivel like my balls during a Golden Girls marathon due to some of the most insane football endings I've watched all season. This is no exaggeration, the above statement had not fully left my mouth when NC State and their Joey Buttafuco looking Sopranos reject coach pull a Flutie esque-miracle with 8 count em 8 seconds left on the clock. Someone had their Wheatie enema that morning and it sure wasn't Dougie's boys. But I guess that seemed to be the norm this week, with my own boys learning an important lesson in humility and me learning that apparently they study witchcraft at the University of Colorado. I spent the weekend on the road so what I know of the 3:30 games is limited and honestly I stopped paying attention just long enough to have my crotch punched for the 8:00 games. So here is my, shameful i might add, and extremely quick week in review...sigh

Ohio state 28 - Penn State 6. For the second week in a row Ohio State's deceptive score give them the aura of being bullet proof but anyone who watched that game knows, things are lookin shaky in the horseshoe. Penn State stayed within a possession of the Buckeyes for 4 straight quarters of football, getting blown out in the LAST TWO MINUTES because of two interceptions returned for touchdowns. Hmmmm.... With a road trip to Iowa coming up, i'm not nearly as sold on the invincibility of Troy Smith and his boys. Point being, Jeezy = 2 Virus = 2

Alabama 23 - Arkansas 24 OT. Jesus, when it rains I have no fucking clue what i'm talking about apparently. This "under 20 point combined" game turned out to combine for almost 50 points and ended up in a one point heartbreaker pulled off by the Hogs in OT that still didn't cover the 1.5 point spread. Balls. Jeezy = 1 Virus = 1

Now it gets ugly for my week.
Arizona St. 21 - Cal 49. I told you I didn't know shit about these teams. I went on Virus' advice and then the sneaky sumbitch went for Cal and snatched the point. BUT he also took Arizona St. in the points which, with a seven point spread...yeah...no point. Jeezy = Goose Egg Virus = 1

Boston College 15 - NC State 17. Huh? What? This was the beginning of the end for my night, with two of my picks in the waning moments of the first half, and with BC in the position to kick a field goal to cover the spread giving me a demanding lead in the points, butttttttt apparently stupidity is contagious. We'll get to that next. Instead, Leary decides to go for it on 4th and not risk the unreliable kicker shanking another one and instead opting for running the clock out a bit. Great choice. Except apparently noone saw the pool of goat blood forming by the giant flaming pentagram on the NC State sideline. NC State pulls a last second drive from hell, and takes the game with a 30 or 40 yard "are you shitting me" pass with 8, count em' 8 seconds on the clock. Jeezy = Goose Egg Virus = Goose Egg.

Oh but it don't end there.

Michigan State 37 - ND 40. WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!! Ok yeah you can give me the bullshit about Brady's drive and determination but I'm not giving the game to him, because even with the comeback looming, Michigan State could and SHOULD have been able to hold off the Irish for long enough to enjoy their then 16 point lead. Especially when a failed 2 point conversion still leaves you with 10. A ridiculous turnover and a botched extra point still gives you a 4 point lead. Until shortly after. And I'm not even sure how to put this insane nail in the coffin into words... Some jackass in the back field, catches the kickoff for the spartans, takes it two yards to about the 12. And downs it. And by down it I don't mean he slips and falls or botches the catch and has to jump on it, no he old school, will you marry me, one knee, DOWNS IT. ON THE FUCKING 12!!!!! With at least 5 to 10 yards open ahead of you and your team struggling to hold on to a 4 point lead late in the fourth. HE. DOWNS. IT. I'll give you guys a second. And that's the night the lights went out in East Lansing. Two plays later and Stanton's decision making went out the window, sending a quick turnover to lose the lead, and then another (granted that wasn't his fault as much as it was a phenomenon of nature that still baffles me) to seal the game. But...with the point spread being 3, It seems like Ralphie hits the push, but nails the team. God I hate Charlie Weis... Jeezy = goose egg Virus = 1

So, what looked like I was going to take a one or two point edge, turned into a laughable 4 minutes of heartbreaking football that officially ceased my ability to create competent sperm. Or maybe that really is the high life. Anyway here are the standings as I have em'.

Virus = 5
Jeezy = 3
Cane = 0

Since it's sunday, i'm going to go chug some motor oil and hope that the NFL will be less brain-numbing to watch. See you next week.