Larry Coker expresses his inner anguish with an impromptu accapella version of Clay Aiken's "Measure of a Man".

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK! It's young F-Jeezy with the Rugged V for a review of this week's action, or at least the shit I can remember which, honestly, ended somewhere around the 8th High Life tallboy. Anyway. This weekend was so sweet I'm actually dusting off my 1998 Michigan Wolverine Rose Bowl shirt. I’m not sure if they won the 98 Rose Bowl or why I even own the shirt in the first place but that’s not the point. The point is I start off my blogging career with a perfect 6 for 6 game call record. Granted I didn't come near any of my point spreads but it's kind of hard to call those sorts of things when half the games touted to be the nailbiters of the evening turned into 3 hour powerhouse bloodbaths. Whichhhh of course brings me to....the Hurricanes.

That's right folks, the mighty Cane dynasty has fallen, failing to be ranked for the first time since Larry Coker was capable of a substance-free erection. But fear not Canes fans, there something bright on the horizon in South Beach and no it's not a footshaped gas pedal for your Iroc-Z or a blowout sale on silk dress shirts, I'm talking of course of the fact that Mumra the Everliving, Larry Coker himself, has finally signed his departure papers. And it's only 3 years too late. I say dump every single member of that coaching staff, give it a year or two for some new recruits and new staff growing pains, and you guys will be stealing car stereos in celebration again in no time.

And nowwww the Bowden Bowl. I had a feeling this would come down to whether Bobby Bowden's crew had finally figured out which endzone was theirs. Luckily the defense remembered. Twice. On the plus side, with a kick record like that, that twinkletoed Clemson kid has a bright future in Atlanta to look forward to in a couple of years. But the Tigers do pull the upset and Bobby Bowden’s hopes at hoisting a national championship trophy above his head one last time fade faster than Mark Mangino’s hopes of ever seeing his penis again. Sorry slugger.


Charlie Wies is FAT!






I know everyone’s expecting me to get all high and mighty about my Notre Dame (That’s NOR-trah DAY-m Flutie. Go back to Canada where people other than a handful of Golden Eagle grads actually remember you and take your grammar lessons with you chief) pick and how I was right all along about how overrated they were and those people would be absolutely right. BRING OUT THE SOAPBOX BOYS CUZ I...FUCKING...TOLD....YOU....SO. Jesus Jumpin Christo Quinn, I’ve seen more exciting matches on Celebrity Poker Showdown. Michigan was up by three scores before Notre Dame could even figure out how to move the ball 10 yards! Buck up Weis, now that your title hopes are shot you’ll have more room on your mantle for your Fried Snickers Eat-a-Palooza cup. Better luck next year horsetits. I know it’s a couple of days early but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Lloyd Carr’s Spartan neighbors pick up where his boys left off and lay a 265 point beating on the Irish.

LIGHTNING ROUND! I was slightly suprised at Florida’s squeaker in Knoxville but again Ainge proved that when the pressure is on he’s really damn good at throwing the ball to the other team. How does that line from It’s a Wonderful Life go? "Everytime a Volunteer team gets their heart broken in their home stadium, some guy in a trailer park somewhere loses a finger"...something like that, I was never a Stewart fan. And on the topic of SEC I’m still not sure whether Auburn is a better team or Jamarcus Russel just has no depth perception. Someone out there needs to remind that jackass how a hail mary works. Who the fuck throws the ball 5 yards short of the end zone for a last second game winner? Andddd on a random note, congratulations are in order for Mississippi State for scoring their first points of the season and STILL losing to Tulane putting them neck and neck with the Colorado Buffalos who blew their season opener against Montana State, a team made up of two janitors, a hobo named Patches, a crosseyed ranchhand and a decrepit sheepdog named Dusty, for the title of the absolute worst team in the NCAA. See you in a couple days.